Are you the type who never says anything to a friend or family member if they disrespect you or do something you didn’t like? Maybe you keep quiet at work when a volatile situation occurs or have trouble with asking for a well-deserved raise.
You will likely become discouraged and view yourself as a pushover because you didn’t confront a situation when appropriate. It takes energy to be resentful and angry, but that’s what avoiding confrontations do to people.
Some are afraid of crossing that proverbial line in the sand when they confront others. They’re afraid to being seen as too aggressive, so the ones they should be confronting never know there’s a problem.
You can stop being a pushover by using confrontations to build confidence and overcome fears. There are so many ways to learn assertiveness – online courses, books, school courses, life coach and counselors.
Training can help you calm your fears about confrontations and demand resolution or satisfaction from your dealings with others. You’ll perform better in negotiations and relationships will thrive because you’re more respected.
It’s not fair to others when you reject sharing your feelings and speaking about your fears. You may become angry and inside and begin a pattern of passive-aggressiveness that exacerbates the issues.
Confrontations and directness can be intimidating, but the end result is usually more favorable than holding back and letting problems fester in your mind. Sure – a confrontation might mean that you’re rejected - but you’ll begin to see those times as progress rather than failures.
The times you win will make up for those times you put yourself out there, but it didn’t work and you felt the sting of rejection. Keeping the problems to yourself ensures that you’ll never win.
Always remember to choose your battles. You don’t have to speak up about everything that bothers you, but choose your confrontations carefully. If it doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things – and it would only serve to hurt another’s feelings – save the confrontation for another issue.
Finally, use diplomacy as a way of confronting others to get your point across. Approach the inevitable conversation calmly and use problem-solving techniques to avoid becoming combative and make the other person defensive.
And be sure to claim any responsibility for the problem that you have rather than blaming others for the problem. This will help diffuse a volatile situation and encourage others to step up and take responsibility for their part of the problem.
